Ah! the heart!

Ah, how do we handle our hearts?  I can't deal with it.  It's breaking into pieces.  Crunching.  Grinding.  My soul clenches.  What do I do?  I can't control my eyes.  Tears.  Sobs.  Struggling to choke them back.  Oh to be loved.  To feel the warming security of being loved.  To rejoice in the fact that no matter what, the one you love loves you.  How sickening the "I love you"'s that fall flat.  Deflated.  Devoid of ardency.  I long.  I want so badly.  I cry.  Why won't it just work out?  Why!  Please, something greater and beyond me explain!  I'm crawling.  My pride has been ripped from me one tear, one "I'm sorry," one "I love you" at a time.  Am I not good enough, not close enough the the mental picture of ideal?  Am I a bad person?  Selfish?  The questions kill.  Prying.  Lying.  Squeezing the brain and suffocating.  It's happening again.  Things are slipping.  Falling.  Crashing to the ground around me.  How do I hold on?  How do I keep this I care so much for from ripping my heart out and leaving me alone?  Running.  Praying.  Hoping so hard for what might.  But this is what we go through to make it work.  This is what love is.  The deeper your suffering cuts into you, the deeper the roots of your love will reach.  No wonder I jump into love so whole-heartedly.